Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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