God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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