the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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