I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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