were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
