Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
40s are totally the cure
I could fuck to npr.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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