As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
