Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
