he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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