Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My dick has a subreddit
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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