There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
