Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Randomize
