How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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