Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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