from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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