i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sext me about skeletons
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
