this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
