He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
