I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize