yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
