i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize