next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
