My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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