Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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