im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
