I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Someone came in the potted fern
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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