Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
