i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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