Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
