I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
