Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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