I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
