dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
