I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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