It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
