The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
