i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
