No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
