Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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