All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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