my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
