I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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