It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
