Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
