guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
