I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
