she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
