At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
