i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
