I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
not ubering you a puppy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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