mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize