As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's rum buckets o'clock
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I believe in your delicious
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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