It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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