just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
