$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
