We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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