im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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