Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
