I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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