I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
