Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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