I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
