I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
