I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
