im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
