why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
