Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
