There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
