you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
