Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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