New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
