I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
