Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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