I'm so fucking centered right now
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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