there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
