just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
