Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
