time to smoke my breakfast
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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