just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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