I will die if light touches me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
