I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
