I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
