you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
