hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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