this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize