I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
