Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
