You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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