what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
