my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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