The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
