It was confusing and full of hummus
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
