just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
