I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
