Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
