when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
