Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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