even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
